Sorry about not blogging for a few days. I am getting kinda busy with new exciting projects. One of which is I now take photos for Street Peeper.com which is an amazing opportunity to get my work out there on an international level as the website has a huge following world wide.I also have a new call centre job (hopefully will be my last call centre job ever because of these exciting new projects) I need all the money I can get for Japan. The Yen went as high as 67 one day but I didn't change my money because I was too busy at work, then it went down to 65 the next day so I thought I would wait and now its at 59 ahhhh so annoying. As soon as it hits 63 or higher I will change my money, that is if it hits it. I don't really care though, it would be nice to have some extra money for shopping, but all I care about is seeing my friends, pretty much every time I get an email from one of them I burst into tears (may also be because it's that time of the month). The strange thing is I don't have a desire to move back to Tokyo anymore. I think its because I have a really good life here now, which I didn't think was possible before. Pretty much since 2004 I have been working in dead end jobs, all call centres and they have I guess tainted my existence here. Now I see that maybe there are opportunities here and you just have to go for it. I thought maybe I would have to live in Tokyo to have a career in something creative, or at least a job I liked (I did like teaching English A LOT, well, compared to working in a call centre) This may all change when I am over there though and I'm really really worried I will fall back into that deep depression I had when I got home last time. Hopefully starting Uni, working on these new projects and having my good friend visit me from Scotland plus fashion week all in the month I get back will help me avoid it. Oh and Yvan will be here too. So many good things to look forward to, gotta stay positive. I never ever want to feel that way again.
I never really spoke about it on my blog, I always put on a kinda fake positive spin, but for the first 6 months of 2008 I barely got out of bed, didn't see my friends and pushed Henry away, among other things. If you ever feel that way talk to someone because eventually I saw a counsellor who helped me see that I do have a lot to live for here. I never went on anti depressants though, the Doctor I saw said my depression was circumstantial and they wouldn't help me. Basically I have had to help myself. That is why I am so amazed at everything that happened towards the end of last year, I really worked on myself, changing my outlook and then boom good things just kept happening and they still are. I think I'll be fine coming back this time though, like I said there is so much good stuff lined up for March and the rest of the year that there will be no time to get all moppy. I felt so guilty, and still do, that I could have been so unhappy when there are people in the world who have things far worse then I did.
Oh and I still work at Melbourne Street Fashion.com (I am passionate about that site, its like my baby) and there will be some news about stuff happening there soon.
There are other new developments in my "career" (wow I never thought I would say that word but all this is turning into a possible future) which I will let you all know about as soon as its all finalised.
Hopefully I'm getting a new camera tomorrow, thanks to Henry.
So all I can say is stay tuned.
Thanks for such a honest post i think the more people talk about depression the more others realize they are not alone.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the new project and new Job!!
Looking forward to see whats going to happen with melbournestreet style
Hey Hayley,
ReplyDeleteIve never commented on your blog before, but Ive been reading and lurking for a while now. Great work.
I just wanted to let you know that I had exactly the same experience when I came back to Melbourne after living overseas for a few years. I think you're totally on the mark by having plenty of plans for when you get back and by suggesting counselling for anyone else who feels down.
I recently went back overseas to visit friends for a few weeks too, but this time I couldnt wait to get home afterward! Hopefully it will be the same for you.
Sorry for the looong comment here.
Hope you have a great time!
Jo
Can't wait to hear all about your career developments!
ReplyDeleteTake care xx
hi, i have been following your blog for a while too! and i think your totally right..i travel alot, and it can get really drepressing when you have nothing to look forward to and none to talk to in a new place..it really ruins the experience.Plus i take it out on my boyfriend too!it must be love...
ReplyDeletehope 2009 is your year!
I feel your pain about the yen, I was in Sydney when the dollar was up to 67 yen, I was going to buy it then but my dad was telling me to wait because it'll probably go up, *Sigh* I shouldn't have listen to him. At least I got the rail pass discounted.
ReplyDeleteMaybe by the time you go the dollar will be up again. I'm leaving in a few days so I'm screwed.
Good to read you are doing well.
I totally love your street style pics and I always have. I think you have one of the bestest eyes for style!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I wanted to ask when you will be staying in Tokyo exactly?
Hayley that is so exciting, congratulations on everything you have acheived!
ReplyDeleteI'm really looking forward to hearing about your projects, you're easily one of my favourite bloggers.
xx
It's refreshing to hear someone talk about things that aren't superficial, but that are real, like depression etc.
ReplyDeleteI suffered with depression and anxiety since 2002 and felt like you did for years. I had always been told to just snap out of it that i'm being stupid etc, but then only last year, I too saw a councilor who completely changed my life around. I see everything so differently now and love so many things.
I used to think everyone else was so happy which seemed to make me more down because I wasn't, when in actual fact they are often just putting on a positive front.
So posting personal things about stuff like this i'm sure will help others hopefully get help too, as they'll see that even people who appear happy and colourful can get depression etc too, and that its fixable..
Also congrats on all the new work and exciting things heading your way!!
:)
Hayley, congratulations! It's amazing to find that you have worked so hard to get yourself out of the depression and glad to hear that depression can be healed without any medication or anything bad. so proud of u !! i really hope this yr is the best you've had in ages and will continue to be fantastic, there will always be ups and downs but that's life, its just how you deal with it and you're a strong gal so you should be just fine!:) x
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the new gig Hayley! You'll do well whatever you put your mind to =)
ReplyDeletecongrats on all these new job opps! from what i gather, you've been super dooper busy these past few months.
ReplyDeleteyou're such a strong person. keep soldiering on!
oh i forgot to tell you. the model is actually a size 8 but with pants she can be a size 10.
ReplyDeleteHey! I have been reading your blog for ages now & also haven't commented until now...I love you honesty and your style and persistence! I think what you do is fabulous and you have inspired me both with your photography, interior design of your apartment, your style & now .. your honesty!
ReplyDeleteI think a blend of these things is quite refreshing! Thanks!
hey, also first time commenter (i think). Anyway, I gave up medication a little while ago, but still struggle... it's a hard road with long shadows. but anyway thanks for talking about it, good luck with the upcoming projects, I'll be sure to check in and see the photos!
ReplyDeleteHayley you're a very brave girl. The worst kind of sadness is sometimes the most undefineable. You should be very proud of yourself for climbing out of it with your own will power.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should never feel guilty for feelings you can't control- something I have learnt in my short life is that feelings are relative, and if you spend your time comparing them to other people in other situations you will carry the guilt with you always, and it will not make you happy.
xx
Congratulation on job of Street peeper!! Several month ago, Street Peeper was appeared on Nylon Japan and show street snaps of Melbourne.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on all your endeavors and hope you are feeling better. What helps me is to say happy mantras to myself or waking up and smiling. Sounds cheesy, but it works! :)
ReplyDeletesaw your pics on streetpeeper. nice! found your blog thru the link. love your personal style!
ReplyDeleteHayley, what a beautiful post <3
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on all your so well deserved career developments!
You're so talented and fresh and honest - I love it.
I'm sure you'd inspire so many people :)
xxx